There is a famous song the asks the question, where have all the cowboys gone?  I have a better question… where have all the people with manners gone?  This is something that I have been asking myself for the past year and half, and have been asking myself more and more lately.  Maybe manners isn’t exactly what I mean, maybe its more decency that I am referencing.  To understand why my faith in people diminishes more and more as the minutes pass, let me explain to you where this is all coming from…

I will be getting married in a few months, and during our planning, we have encountered many acts of indecency.  It begins with our photographer (Celebration Studios victims, I know there are a lot of us) and the shop where I bought my dress (Calvary) going bankrupt.  Both of these establishments were aware that they would be unable to provide the service to us at the time we booked with them, and Celebration even pulled at our heart strings by offering us a discount if we bought some canned food for their food drive (we had booked around Thanksgiving time).  Calvary sold me my dress knowing that the designer I had chosen was no longer doing business with them because they had failed to pay for the dresses they had ordered.  Now, I know, two bankrupt vendors doesn’t say much for me as a consumer, but for the record, I did check consumer reports, and went off recommendations from friends who had used them.  Unfortunately, when they got married 4 years ago, these vendors were doing well.  About 2 weeks after booking the photographer is when the poor consumer reports started to surface.  We lost some money, but so far, everything has worked out for the best.  The question I beg to ask is how do you offer a product to someone, take their money, and the whole time know that you will not be delivering the product or service.  Decency?  Manners?  Where has it gone?

Now, I know what you must be thinking… these are vendors, they have no personal connection to you at all!  What do they care about you?  Well, the people with personal connections to me have not been so steller either in the department of decency.  First we will start with my Mom’s best friend from the placenta period of time.  As soon as I got engaged he offerred to pay for my wedding dress and do all the hair for my whole bridal party (my fairy “godmother” is a hairdresses).  He continually insisted that he would be doing these things, and after checking with him many times, I budgeted accordingly.  However, he is not paying for the dress, or doing the hair for the bridal party anymore.  Did he tell me this?  No… would I care if he came to me and said, listen I know I said I was going to pay for the dress, but I just can’t afford it right now… absolutely not.  Frankly, I didn’t really want him to pay for it to start with; I don’t like taking things from people, especially money… who wants to feel like they are taking advantage of someone’s genorosity?  He has dealt with this by cutting off ties with my Mom, and pretending he doesn’t see me when I go to his shop to get my nails done.  If he can’t avoid seeing me, he will mention, without fail, that he wants to take me to dinner to discuss the dress and hair options… Dude!!  It has already been pretty much established that you are not following through on this?  Stop talking!!!

Finally… lets talk about my Maid of Honor.. Nicole… Nicole is someone I always would have described as my little sister; she is about 4 years younger than me, and I have known her since she was 5 years old.  We were always pretty close… but it appears that lately she has been trying to find herself in this mad mad world… very unlike the rest of us out there (ha!).  As soon as I got engaged and told her, she responded with, I get to be the Maid of Honor right?  Of course, I said!  This has been the biggest mistake thus far.  Initially things were going well, we were getting together a lot, and she seemed more excited for the wedding then I did.  Then she sort of just disappeared.  I had seen her in May, and now it was July and I had still not heard from her… this was making me nervous.  I finally got through to her and we met up, I told her the date everyone was going to get measured for the bridesmaids dresses and told her I would be taking everyone out for dinner, we discussed her role, and I told her if it would be too much for her to please tell me and it wouldn’t be a big deal, I could find someone else, or we could work something out.  She insisted that she would not let me down and she REALLY wanted to do this.  No word from her after this until the day of the dresses in early September, when she arrived on time.  A step in the right direction… but, although I told everyone what the deposit on the dress was and that if they didn’t have the money for the deposit to let me know and I would pay it to ensure that all the dresses could be ordered that day, she failed to pay for it and failed to tell me.  The dresses ended up being ordered 2 weeks late as a result, and I could not get in touch with her, so I ended up paying for the dress.  Come the end of October, I finally hear from her and we discuss the fact that this isn’t working out and its too much for her, we decide it is best for our friendship and for my sanity that she be just a bridesmaid.  Flash forward to today… I have not heard from her since that day in October.  I left her a message in early January stating that since she has not reached out to me at all, has not returned my phone calls, acknowledged my texts or me in any regard, that she didn’t seem interested in a friendship, let alone being in my wedding, and that if I didn’t hear from her within the week I would assume she wasn’t interested.  I still have not heard from her.  Nothiing happened… there was no decisive event or falling out that led to this, so I am left a little puzzled.  I again wonder, where is the decency?  The decency to acknowledge someone’s presence… even if you want to scream at me, curse at me, or tell me your disdain for me, that is more decent than not acknowledging my presence at all.

This brings me to today… ACKNOWLEDGEMENT is the word of the day.  I just want people to be decent enough to acknowledge me.  I am trying very hard not to be a bridezilla in all of this… I have been doing pretty much everything on my own and I have tried to refrain from asking my parents or his parents to help out with the tedious activities of assembling invitations, tying bows around bubble containers, etc.  We agreed upon the role that our parents would be playing in the scheme or things and I am not asking them for more than that.  I am not telling my bridesmaids that they all have to wear identical shoes, I am not forcing them all to get their hair and makeup done and I am not telling them how to wear their hair.  All I ask is that they wear brown opened toed shoes and that their hair and makeup looks nice.  Not bad right?  In return, all I want from my bridesmaids, parents, and everyone else I need to speak with regarding my wedding is acknowledgement!  When I ask a question… PLEASE ANSWER IT!  At least respond to the email or call me back and tell me you are not sure and will answer me at a later time… for my peace of mind, acknowledge me!  Isn’t it only decent to acknowledge a person’s existence?  Now I understand… It is my wedding, and it is not as important to anyone else as it is to me… I get that, and I am not saying that people should drop everything to do what I want or need them to do… but what I should get is the decency of someone acknowledging my questions or concerns if even just to say, I am too busy right now but I will get back to you on this later. 

Is this too much to ask?  Are manners and common decency gone?  Isn’t there ANY CAKE LEFT?