And im a Dunkin-Donuts-aholic.
*HI BANKS!*

I should specify…im not big on donuts, bagels, breakfast sandwiches or any beverages that begin with cappa/frappa or end in latte. I’m just straight up in love with their coffee. To call myself a coffeaholic would be inaccurate because I only really love Dunkin Donuts coffee.

Oh I’ve tried other stuff…there’s community coffee where I work. Usually it’s your standard grocery store brands though sometimes it’s something wild like blueberry flavored weirdness or a pound of grounds blazoned in advertisements claiming that it’s 100% indigenous to some region unfamiliar to me and therefore superior in some way. It doesn’t matter what it is really because if it’s not D&D it’s all schwag. I drink it and panic – the jitters set in the world is ending and suddenly I can’t cope with simplest of life’s circumstances. Caffeine sensitivity? Not likely…because D&D doesn’t do that.

Beyond that I feel loved there, it’s like they know me. Try walking into your hometown coffee shop – Unless you speak ‘Fratalian’ are big on emo tunes and carrying a ‘journal’ (see my last blog for more on that) you’re not welcome. I had a friend suggest that I go to Mikey D’s for coffee because it’s .99 for any size cup. How crazy is that? The Super-sized empire selling their stash for less than a buck at any size because even they know…

I tried MD’s. They asked me how many creams and sugars I wanted in it like I’m supposed to know that information. I walk into my local D&D tell ‘em ‘Cream and Sugar’ and it’s perfect every time. Beyond that, they hand me a cup…just a cup…with a brilliantly engineered self-containing spill-proof heat-containing lid. No fancy cardboard heat shield with a crummy plastic lid that I have to peel back or worry if it’s sitting in my car’s cupholder that a small bump will send scolding hot liquid all over me and my car’s what-nots.

Oh, and their corporate slogan – “America runs on Dunkin” …how did they know I was a marathon runner? They’re THAT good, that’s how.

About the only problem I have is that you HAVE, I repeat, HAVE to get it from them. You can buy a pound of their stuff and try to brew it yourself, it’s not the same, don’t even try it. I can’t tell you how many $’s I’ve spent trying to perfect the brewing methodologies to make it taste like they do. I’ve concluded it’s impossible. I’m not sure what they do to make it taste like that but I believe if anyone ever figured it out the process would become illegal.

So thank you Dunkin Donuts, I hope this economic recession does not affect you. I truly believe that if you were to stop waking up when it’s “Time to make the coffee” the backlash would be worse than if the government bailed out banks (the financial institutions, not me) only to have them take the money and pay bonuses to the executives that started the problem in the first place. (Thank goodness that never happened)

And they didn’t even pay me for this…
Banks