Jury duty.  It’s something most Americans dread yet something we all at some point have to deal with.  It’s the quintessential waste of time in most people’s minds.  You sit in a room with 100 other people for 8 straight hours.  If you’re lucky, your scenery changes when they select you for a panel, where you move to an actual courtroom and stare at a judge for hours on end.  Then, if you’re REALLY lucky, you get placed in the jury box.  Dun dun dun!!!  You’re luck just ran out…you’re on a case which is set to take a week.  That’s multiple days of sitting in a courtroom staring on as the case unfolds before you, all because this guy rear-ended this other guy and the second guy is suing the first guy for damaging his rear.

So a few weeks ago I had my first jury-duty experience.  This was, of course, after I accidentally skipped my original date and got a threatening letter from the courthouse.  Oops…apparently they take this jury duty thing seriously.  So I get to the court house early, waiting outside with some other potential jurors.  Nobody says anything…why is it even though we’re there for the same reason we still stand in silence, afraid to speak to one another.  We’re finally let in, and given this spiel about no bringing weapons into the courthouse…like, seriously, let me go put my boa knife and hand grenade back in the car.  So after going through the metal detectors and getting checked in, we get to watch this fascinating video on the jury process, and why it sets us apart from the rest of the world (besides our obesity, over indulgent attitudes, and our rockin military).  And then we wait.

I had the pleasure of getting placed on a panel.  The judge gives us a lengthy talk about how it’s an honor to be picked, how we’re not jurors but judges, and so on.  And then the process begins.  8 people picked…but who will survive?  Find out next week… Question after question for each person…and then one gets excused, another picked.  And the same questions for them…and they get dismissed…and another…and another.  The same questions over and over for 2.5 hours…apparently the lawyers don’t want to start this case or really have a jury.  

And then I get picked…I sit in the box…I answer their questions…they can’t stump me.  Name?  I know that.  Occupation?  You bet I have one.  Tell us about yourself.  Well, umm…well, what do I say?  I don’t want them to judge me…do I tell them just the basics…I love to run, read, watch movies…or do I tell them more…my favorite romantic comedy is the Notebook and I cry everytime I watch it…I sometimes eat a whole jar of pickles after a long run…I don’t find Steve Carell funny…  I stuck to the basics.  And then, stating that I’d been in a car accident 2 years go, I got side-barred and then DISMISSED.  That was just hurtful.  How dare they dismiss me???  That jury is nothing without me!  And then I realize that I’m free to go, so I do just that…

An interesting experience, but thankfully I’ve been rewarded with at least a 3 year jury duty free vacation.  So if you get jury duty, just remember the easy way out…you think everyone is guilty, and you hate anyone who isn’t you, and the death penalty is the easy way out.