Author Archive

Caution: Slow Children Playing

February 22nd, 2009

I was driving home from work the other day, weaving in and out of traffic, getting frustrated that the last half mile of my commute was going to take more than 3 minutes.  Ughh…these idiots in front of me…don’t they understand I need to be somewhere?  So I cut off several people to get over so I could take the side roads.  One guy honked and gave me a friendly gesture…yes, I know that I’m Number One…thanks for reminding me.  I gave him a nice friendly honk in return.

slow_children_at_play_sign

So I turned onto the side roads, and that’s when I saw the sign (…and it opend up my eyes I saw the sign…) –  Caution: Slow Children Playing.  My immediate reaction was to laugh…there’s just something funny about the image of slow children playing out in the road.  Evil, politically uncorrect, I know.  Just how my mind works sometimes.  But the sign did get me thinking about how stressed I was to be rushing home through backroads to save a fraction of a minute in my car…like I’m in a race against time.  And why?  Because I’m an American and a Jerseyan at heart.

 

Fast food.  Fast cars.  Fast money.  Instant Coffee.  Instant Messages.  Instant Satisfaction.  Americans…we want it fast, we want it now.  Webpage not loading fast enough?  Get a faster connection.  Taking too long to get from point A to point B?  Get a faster car.  Walk faster, work faster, eat faster, live faster, sleep faster…I’m even trying to type this post faster.  I just read a book called “In Praise of Slowness”…over 400 pages…I finished it in 3 days…can’t even slow down to read a book on slowness.   Why are we so obsessed?

When’s the last time you took some time to slow down, breathe a little, and really enjoy the simple things around you?   When’s the last time you didn’t run from your car to your front door, so you could take a minute a look at the stars?  So what that it’s 20 degrees out…man up…winter’s the only time you get to see Orion and the Dippers (no, that’s not the name of a funky 70’s band).  When’s the last time you climbed a tree…and no, not to look into someone’s window stalker…actually climb a tree, sit in the branches, and enjoy the warmth of a summer day, the sound of the breeze through the leaves, the smell of a BBQ nearby.  How about the last time you curled up with a good book next to a sunny window, just lost in a fantasy world for hours on end?

Whatever it is that’s your simple pleasure…whether it be running, reading, hiking, painting, playing music, baking cake, whatever…take some time for it.  Be more like that child you used to be…who understood that playing, especially at a slow place, was much more important than working…that enjoying life and all that it has to offer is much more important than meeting deadlines and making that quick buck.  So this week, take some time and and be that slow child playing.  Caution:  You might just enjoy going slow.

-  Just Call Me Lungs

We’re Gonna Need a Plunger in Here…

February 13th, 2009

So I’m sitting on the toilet tonight, minding my business, when my relatively new girlfriend yells out my name to see where I am.  Welcome to one of my pet peeves, new girlfriend.  It drives me crazy when people talk to me when I’m in the bathroom.

The bathroom is the only place I get to be alone in my house.  It’s my kingdom, my sanctuary, my sacred place where I can be alone with my thoughts or no thoughts at all.  I am King there…and the toiletries all serve me.  Toothbrush, clean my teeth.  Comb, brush my hair.  Razor, shave my face.  Loofa (yes, real men use loofas), wash me clean.

Here alone can I contemplate how to solve world hunger, think about that psycho at the bus stop who is constantly dancing like he’s tripped out on acid (he could be on an IPOD commerical), or figure out what I ate last night based on the smell drifting towards me from below.  The bathroom also serves as my audition room (shower) for American Idol, where I belt out my best songs, from Green Day to Boyz II Men to Whitney Houston…yeah, I said it…can’t no one sing “I Will Always Love You” like this guy. 

And let’s be honest, who doesn’t flex in front of the mirror…trying to show off your stuff.  So what that I’ve got arms that are anorexic and moobs that brings all the boys to the yard.  Here I am king, here I am champion, here I am MAN…hear me roar.  Ok, maybe not roar, because the walls aren’t that thick and I’m sure my neighbors might be disturbed by my roaring…perhaps a few man grunts…Tim the Tool Man Taylor style.

Cavemen had cafe drawings…I have mirror fog drawings.  Cavemen pulled bugs from their hair…I pull greys from my head (yes, I know, I’m getting old…28 and already getting greys)…and pluck nose hairs.  Cavemen danced around fires…I dance around.  Caveman cooked and ate food…I…well, I don’t…because food in the bathroom is just plain wrong.

The bathroom…my sanctuary, my man cave, my kingdom.  The one place I can pretend to be more than I am.  The one place where I’m not judged.  The one place where this crazy world makes sense, and I can see not only a piece but the whole cake the way the baker meant for it to be seen. 

- Just Call Me Lungs

“All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.” – George Harrison