Archive for the ‘Humor’ category

Two Days in the Raritan Valley…

April 21st, 2009

So…what goes on during your typical day?

Wake up? Yes.

Commute? Yes.

Work?  Yes.

Lunch Break? Yes.

Work some more? Yes.

Go home? Yes.

Here at “Is There Any Cake Left,”  we do our best to improve the quality of our day with insightful conversation that may or may not solve the issues facing (wo)mankind.  It does turn a mundane day into something interesting.  Perhaps one day we’ll discuss global warming, the economic crisis,  war on terror, or other current events that are headlining newspapers.  This day…well…this day wasn’t that day.

Cast:

EJ – Endorphins Junkie.

Banks – Banks.

JCML – Just Call Me Lungs.

RC – Rice Cakes.

__________

Dialog -

EJ:  So ready to go back to sleep!!  Good news is, the week is half over.

RC:…how was dance dance revolution?

EJ:  It was pretty good… we are getting decent… hopefully we don’t embarass ourselves at the wedding.

JCML:  I spent some of the night hugging the toilet bowl and sleeping on the bathroom floor  :-(

RC:  I hope your nickname for (Enter JCML’s Significant Other’s Name Here) is not “toilet bowl.”

JCML:  unfortunately, no

RC:  remnants of costa rica making its debut in New Jersey?

JCML:  perhaps

EJ:  that sucks JMCL!  I hope you feel better…. laying on the bathroom floor is the best when you are sick, the tile always feels nice and cool on your face

RC:  Nothing pepto bismo couldn’t cure.

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Banks:  is tnt’s site still down? i have no idea how far i’m supposed to run this weekend…

RC:  I think its 10-12?

EJ: for Long branch? the next few weeks are 12 8 12 7 race  I think…or chop that 12 off if there’s one less week

Banks: whatever i’ll do 10 this week…high bridge anyone?

EJ:  i’m pretty sure i was supposed to do 12 last weekend, which i missed but am not too concerned about since a few weeks back i was supposed to do an 8 but did 12 anyway…

__________

RC:  its annoying to get telemarketing calls at work.  even more annoying when the telemarketer has the wrong number but still insists on talking to you.

JCML:  I keep getting “this is your second notice that the warranty on your car is set to expire…”

Banks:  i still get those notices and my warranty expired years ago.

JCML:  except it’s a work, and I never had a warranty

RC:  I hate my Toyota dealership for selling my information to scammers.

JCML:  They can get the info from DMV.

RC:  True dat…but…the DMV doesn’t know what dealership I go to.  The calls are very specific on my car mileage and dealership here in NJ.  I bought the car in Michigan.

Banks:  maybe Michigan and New Jersey dealships are friends then.

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Banks:  After reading EJ’s latest blog, i’m curious to find out who she knows that has ever gotten into someones pants using missleoe….it just seems too easy.

RC: Me.

Banks:  no, seriously.

RC:  Ok.  Not me.

EJ:  well.. its one of those things that some stupid guy would come up with, like maybe if i get to kiss this girl, she will be so into it that she’ll come home with me… one of those stupid things that guys think will get a girl… as in that was his intention in coming up with mistletoe… no one said it would be something that worked.

RC:  Sort of like “Sweetest Day”…which some stupid gal came up with, like maybe if I get another day of gifts it will make me feel better about myself.  One of those stupid things that gals will hold over the head of their man…as in that was her intention in coming up with Sweetest Day.

EJ:  sure…. its like when guys do things like stop short in the car so they can reach their arm across the seat to make sure you are ok… while accidently groping you…. like who came up with this and thought it was a good idea?  the same guy that came up with the mistletoe

RC:  Sure…. its like when gals bitch and moan during their monthly cycles and take it out on their man…. like who came up with this and thought it was a good idea?  Do we actually need a reason to bitch and moan at our man?  I guess having an excuse is better than no excuse at all, either way it won’t stop me from complaining…the same gal that came up with “Sweetest Day.”

EJ:  Although, I will tell you, PMS is real… for some it is worse than others.. the crankiness comes from not feeling well and being easily annoyed…. like when I feel like my uterus is being ripped out, its not in (Enter EJ’s Significant Other’s Name Here) best interest to do things that annoy me…. it brings forth a response like “for the love of god and your own life will you knock that off”

RC:  Oh…I’ve seen the wraith of PMS.  I was  just joking.

EJ:  I know some girls that do use it as an excuse though to just be mean, like even when they aren’t pmsing they are bitchy and then say, oh i am pmsing… the wrath of pms touches everyone

RC:  Ya…it was girls like that who came up with sweetest day.

__________

RC:  Spooooooooooooooooooooooooon!

EJ:  i need to sleep for days… what are your easter plans?  my first EVER 20 miler was on Easter in 2007 down to preview the NJM course…

RC:  I might hide some eggs, wait an hour, and then go look for them…And a 20 miler run too…

EJ:  I want to set up a “beerster” event… basically how this works is I go outside and hide coronitas around the yard… give each person who is a part of the hunt a bucket with some ice in it, and have them go searching…. at the end they get to drink whatever they find…

__________

Banks:  on the missletoe…i’ve seen girls try to kiss guys with it. i’ve also seen girls who otherwise would have no chance with a guy try to get him drunk for some action.  it’s not quite that gender specific.

RC:  I never meet these kind of girls.

Banks:  thats because you don’t drink. you’re better off….

RC:  interesting…thanks.

Banks:  i see it so clearly in my head… some drunk sloppy girl who can barely stand up trying to kiss you under the mistletoe, slurring sweet nothings into your ear.

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Posted in Humor, Life, Living in NJ, Running, Uncategorized, World View

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Hi, My name is Banks…

April 1st, 2009

And im a Dunkin-Donuts-aholic.
*HI BANKS!*

I should specify…im not big on donuts, bagels, breakfast sandwiches or any beverages that begin with cappa/frappa or end in latte. I’m just straight up in love with their coffee. To call myself a coffeaholic would be inaccurate because I only really love Dunkin Donuts coffee.

Oh I’ve tried other stuff…there’s community coffee where I work. Usually it’s your standard grocery store brands though sometimes it’s something wild like blueberry flavored weirdness or a pound of grounds blazoned in advertisements claiming that it’s 100% indigenous to some region unfamiliar to me and therefore superior in some way. It doesn’t matter what it is really because if it’s not D&D it’s all schwag. I drink it and panic – the jitters set in the world is ending and suddenly I can’t cope with simplest of life’s circumstances. Caffeine sensitivity? Not likely…because D&D doesn’t do that.

Beyond that I feel loved there, it’s like they know me. Try walking into your hometown coffee shop – Unless you speak ‘Fratalian’ are big on emo tunes and carrying a ‘journal’ (see my last blog for more on that) you’re not welcome. I had a friend suggest that I go to Mikey D’s for coffee because it’s .99 for any size cup. How crazy is that? The Super-sized empire selling their stash for less than a buck at any size because even they know…

I tried MD’s. They asked me how many creams and sugars I wanted in it like I’m supposed to know that information. I walk into my local D&D tell ‘em ‘Cream and Sugar’ and it’s perfect every time. Beyond that, they hand me a cup…just a cup…with a brilliantly engineered self-containing spill-proof heat-containing lid. No fancy cardboard heat shield with a crummy plastic lid that I have to peel back or worry if it’s sitting in my car’s cupholder that a small bump will send scolding hot liquid all over me and my car’s what-nots.

Oh, and their corporate slogan – “America runs on Dunkin” …how did they know I was a marathon runner? They’re THAT good, that’s how.

About the only problem I have is that you HAVE, I repeat, HAVE to get it from them. You can buy a pound of their stuff and try to brew it yourself, it’s not the same, don’t even try it. I can’t tell you how many $’s I’ve spent trying to perfect the brewing methodologies to make it taste like they do. I’ve concluded it’s impossible. I’m not sure what they do to make it taste like that but I believe if anyone ever figured it out the process would become illegal.

So thank you Dunkin Donuts, I hope this economic recession does not affect you. I truly believe that if you were to stop waking up when it’s “Time to make the coffee” the backlash would be worse than if the government bailed out banks (the financial institutions, not me) only to have them take the money and pay bonuses to the executives that started the problem in the first place. (Thank goodness that never happened)

And they didn’t even pay me for this…
Banks

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Posted in Humor, Life, Running

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I’ll slap you with my Chris Brown hand!

March 10th, 2009

So I’m at work the other day, talking to one of my coworkers.  We’re just shootin the breeze, talkin about this and that.  We then get to talking about my girlfriend.  The conversation went like this…

“So, you still open doors for her?”

“Yeah, still at that stage.”

“She should be opening doors for you.”

“I know, right!”

“You just gotta train her.”

“Yeah, I’ll slap her with my Chris Brown hand.”

Silence.

“What, too soon?”

Regardless of how the conversation continued after that (they finally laughed and gave me a pound, acknowledging the dark but timely joke), the question lingered in my mind.  How soon is too soon?  When does it become alright to joke about a horrible situation?  Don’t get me wrong…what happened with Chris Brown and Rihanna is awful (and seriously, someone talk to the girl about not getting back with him), and I think the man should be in jail.  But I have, and always have had, a dark and “don’t-and-shouldn’t-go-there” sense of humor. 

Unless the person the tragedy happened to is standing right in front of you, and they don’t have a sense of humor, in my mind there is no “too soon”.  I can’t help it.  My mind just works that way…I make a joke out of everything.  I make jokes at other people’s good fortune, misfortune, lack of fortune, and everything in between.  I make jokes at funerals.  I found videos of the tsunami humorous.  Steve Irwin…need I say more? And who doesn’t like to watch people getting hurt on YouTube.  Kick to the crotch?  Awesome!  Fall from a roof…even better!  Getting attacked by a bear?  Over the top!

I just think life is WAY too short to take things too seriously.  Sure, some of the things I joke at are tragic situations.  But tragedy happens every day, all around us.  You can’t spend your entire life dwelling on the darkness out there in the world.  All you can do is try to find humor in it all, focus on the positive, and keep your head up.  Someone once said “Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”  I couldn’t agree more.  So do your best to find humor in every situation…it will make life much more enjoyable.

(This posting was inspired by one of my favorite YouTubers, CommunityChannel, and the below video…but the above conversation did happen.  This video just let me know it was ok to talk about it!)

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Posted in Current Events, Humor, Life